Anatomy of a Sprint Cup Interview

Giving television interviews must be such exhaustive work these days. It's almost unheard of to witness one where the driver isn't required to take a couple swigs of his "favorite beverage" to make it through.

Here's how it typically goes:

Booth: "Now let's go trackside to pit reporter Jane Smith, who's with Joey Schmoey."

(The broadcast cuts to a camera located on pit road. On the scene are Jane and Joey. Joey is holding "The Official Soft Drink™ of NASCAR®" in his hand, about half-way between his face and waist, label facing outward towards the camera.  When Jane begins to speak, that is Joey's cue that the camera is live.  He unscrews the cap from the completely full bottle and takes a chug while listening to Jane's question, then screws the cap back on.)

Jane: "Joey, you're starting pretty deep in the pack today.  What's your strategy to get to the front?"

Joey: "Yeah.  I'll tell ya... the [insert primary sponsor here] [insert secondary sponsor here] [insert tertiary sponsor here] [insert car make here] [insert car model here] was running great in practice yesterday.  [Insert tire manufacturer here] brought a great tire today.  It's a long race.  We'll have to see how the day goes."

Jane: "Well there you have it..."

(At this point, Joey senses that the interview is coming to a conclusion and that Jane is ready to throw control over to someone else.  He quickly unscrews the cap from his bottle and takes another hit of the soft drink.)

Jane: "Now let's go up pit road to John Blow who's with Jimmy Jones."

(Joey looks straight into the camera and smiles as a sparkle of caramel-induced bling shines from his teeth.)

Well gee... thanks for that informative interview.

Maybe I'm just old school, but I prefer something more like this in an interview.